A leap day present for you all.

I thought, as it is the twenty ninth of February, the  extra day we have every few years, that I would do something different. So I got the easel out and set to work on a wallpaper for you all. Here it is. Leap year.....frog....geddit?

Boing.

Click the pic then right click and save the bigger version. I have no idea how to do a bigger version.

No! Don't sleep in that!

Mystery cat was looking for somewhere to sleep last night. As is the way with cats, he swaps his favourite place in the world every week or two. He did have the spare room as his special place, where he used to sit, looking down upon us lesser mortals, like a furry Zeus that snores and dribbles a bit. However, he was ousted from his spot by Pie the usurper, who staked his claim by slinking in and shedding orange fur in mysterys sleeping dent.

The Apricot horror, scheming his annexation of the spare room.

 Anyhow, the boy was looking for somewhere comfy last night, and, as there were no bags to sleep in/on/under, and the laundry basket was in a different place than he wanted <oh the trauma>, he was out of immediate ideas. He tried jumping onto my chair, but I was using it and shooed him off. He glared with kitty reproached, and went as far as to wag his tail at me.

I used to be in banking, now look at me.

 He then decided to jump on Ruths chair, where he was intercepted by the queen of pain herself <Mim, not Ruth>, who bared one dainty claw and hissed gently, a sure indicator of impending bloodshed. Defeated, he slunk away to find somewhere else.

My hat, my chair, my rules. Live with it. Or don't.

 All was quiet.
Too quiet.
There was a rustling from the utility room, and thinking that  the black imperator had "delivered a blessing", I went to bury it, or remove it. With mounting terror I crossed the kitchen floor, and approached the pit of steeeeenk, to find the noble lord, asleepin his litter tray, like some massive hairy poop.

Cats are freaks.

Crabadger and the defiled chicken.

The Badger is finished! Next will be the Hedgehog. I was just finishing the badgers foot off <not a phrase you hear every day>, when I mused out loud to myself, "just needs some work on the claws" Why oh why did the image of a badger with crab claws for front feet spring unbidden to my mind?

How a crabadger might look, if I ruled the world.

It would be pretty awesome  though, I could use it to fight the spectacled bear from the last post. Cue the star trek fight music again.
Focus, focus..........yes......badger painting. It went very well and I am most pleased, *Strokes beard like a super villain*, most pleased indeed.

In cat related news. Yesterdays roast chicken was lovely. I stripped the remaining meat for tonights curry, and then ambled off in my normal, slightly confused manner <think of a fourteen stone butterfly with a beard and biker boots> leaving the ribcagey bit of the bird on a plate. Some time later I heard a thump from the kitchen, but being distracted by internet land, thought nothing of it, until Ruth,  going to the kitchen, started shouting at Mr Pie. I investigated further, to find the kitchen floor decorated with greasy swirls, and the dishevelled carcass nibbled, laying on the floor. The apricot horror looked guilty but unrepentant. That cat would be rubbish at poker. After all, he has no thumbs.

Well endowed baby elephants, Alien doom bugs, and an invisible Jaguar.

The order of business today was a jaunt to Chester zoo, possibly the best zoo in the zooniverse <see what I did there>, ok this  might get pic heavy, so bear with me.
It was a lovely sunny and not too freezing day, and after breezing through the gate, due to Ruths clever fast track booking, we went and found the elephants. Well, not found exactly, as they were on the map, and are big, grey, noisy, and a bit smelly, in a nice way. There were a few down the front, including two babies that were having a bit of a scrap, until they were trumpeted at and stopped, <as one would if ones parents weighed several tons, and had big pointy tusks>

Well, hello there.

We carried on round and watched from a high vantage point as the pachyderms interacted, drinking, walking round the pond in a line, etc, all very sweet, when young baby male turned his back to the crowd, and showed us all what he thought, in a torrent of pee, poop, and, erm, dangly bits. Most assuredly a boy.

Tsk, children.

Vaguely traumatized, and definitely amused, we carried on, pausing to point at some deer and say "nom" loudly.
We also saw a condor trying to make the bat sign. Impressive, but futile, as  The batman doesn't speak condor, so couldn't have helped it anyway.

dinner dinner dinner dinner

BATMAAAAAAN!

Wandering along further, we encountered those strange long necked, slender, doe eyed wonders of the savannah, the giraffes. As giant mutant mice go, they have done pretty well for themselves. After looking at them with the naked eye, and my embigulation scope, we sallied forth to the butterfly house, where strange creatures dwell, flitting about from branch to branch, but enough about the volunteers. The Butterflies were astoundingly pretty, and we got a chance to look at a jungle nymph at close quarters, which looks like a combination between a leaf, a fat stick insect, some cool spikes, and a face from H.P Lovecrafts nightmares.

I, for one, welcome our new overlords.

The jaguar enclosure was next on the tour, and we ran the gauntlet of heckling ducks on the river to get there. There was no sign of the Jaguar, except its foot prints, which lead me to believe it was either a ghost cat, or it was amongst us somewhere, just waiting..... and waiting.

Hey look at the paw prints, love!........Ruth?......Ruuuuuuuuuuuth!

We carried on to the aquarium, which had a diverse array of fishes, and we managed to see some Sea horses doing the egg transfer, which was a privilege. What wasn't a privilege was the noisy  kids going "is that Nemo?" at every fish they passed. To be fair, the fish, who had clearly heard it all before, remained stoic in their silent scorn for the air breathers. There was also a snake necked turtle who had rather peculiar aspect to him, which made me think of the elephant i saw earlier.

It can reach round corners.

Then there were penguins. I bloody love penguins,as friends of mine will know. Ruth even adopted a Magellanic penguin form the marvelous  study facility in Tiera del Fuego. He's called Ferdinand. I digress. The penguins were full of curiosity, and penguiny antics, which involve moving quickly and pecking each other in a bad tempered manner. I love you penguins, you remind me of me. Apart from the moving fast bit.

Fishy smelling win.

Lunch provided a well needed break. Recharged,  we moved along to one of our highlights, the bat cave. People are scared of bats, and I don't know why, as no self respecting bat would get caught in someones hair, even though one close flyer stuck its wing in my ear in passing. We stayed and marveled at these winged ballet dancers for ages, and as a final benediction one piddled in my open mouth as we left.

Also viewed: warty pigs <super cute>, spectacled bears <I still reckon I could beat one in a fight>, and some totally wonderful Tigers, with two cubs, one who was suckling, and the other who was sitting still, doing a fair impression of a vase. The cheetahs were also splendid, if a bit like spindly huge house cats.
Giant otters, weird birds <some of whom looked delicious>, and rhinos were also on the visual menu. The meerkats were entertaining with their tiny sharp toothed antics.

The adverts are lies you know.

A great day, and now I'm off to bed, knackered.  

[/enthusiastic waffling]

Two guinea pigs enter, one guinea pig leaves.

As a distraction, we went to our local pets at home place to look at the beasties, sort of like a really cheap day at the zoo, with the added advantage of buying stuff to make the cats look pretty <prettier>. We saw the Bearded dragons, and Pythons, all very sedate, and oo'd and aa'd at the fishes, who shoaled about like living firework displays.  then we moved on to the rats, who were all asleep, which, judging by the size of male rats testicles, is a valid reason for both genders. Rabbits were next, and they looked both cute and delicious.
Then we happened upon the guinea pigs. They were going about their business, when LO! Ruth espied one with the same markings as Mimcat!  This rodent queen of pain shot out of a tube, like a squeaky rocket, and proceeded to jump on another pig, and beat the tar out of it, all for the sake of a lettuce leaf.

I'm going to cut you now.

I played the Star Trek fight music in my head as I watched, mildly fearful as to who or what would be the next victim. Then the "guineamim" retired to its lair, victorious and garnished with lettuce.
              The similarity  in disposition between these patchwork killers cannot be a coincidence, I think that calico creatures may all be flat eyed murderfiends, if we were to look just beneath their fluffy surface.
               The cats look lovely in their new collars, and the wipes we got to de-clag Mr Pie worked quite well, meaning his ears are ear coloured, and not  dirtycold tramp coloured, and for the first time ever, he smells nice.

Litter trays as furniture?

Wait what? Mystery, on seeing a freshly cleaned litter tray decided it would make a comfortable seat, despite all the cushions, sofas, chairs, and laps in the house. Cat mentality is puzzling, to say the least.

Not poopin', just sitting.

Sorry for the blurry pic.
Mim tried to eat a passer by last week, I forgot to mention it. She was sitting outside, and I head a voice say "what a cute cat". As Mystery and Pie we asleep indoors, and no other cats use our front wall, it was pretty much guaranteed to be the queen of evil. It went quiet for a few seconds, then there was the growling howl that meant Mim was angered, and a pained voice saying "oh jesus, it bit me". Thats my girl :)

The queen of pain

Not much to report on the painting front, the badger is underway, but i've been under a huge black cloud all week, so have not had much enthusiasm.

Going feral.

Well, not quite. Feral people don't travel by car to get to their destination, and smell a little bit more than me. We went for a walk at our local ruined fort spot <roman camp> to blow the cobwebs out. Mission win! We found what was left of a pheasant, and I stole its bottom feathers. I think it might have been buzzards

All your tail feathers are belong to me.

Ruth was all bundled up in her awesome pixie hood and scarf, and looking all atmospheric, and comfortable in her surroundings.

She can smell your fear.

It was a most pleasant excursion, with trees and birds just getting on with their lives, apart from the dead pheasant, who was getting on with being digested in a tree somewhere.
All told, time well spent.

Badger or Fox... you decide.

I really can't make my mind up, Badger or Fox for my next piece? Maybe I should lock a them both in a room, with a knife on a chair, and tell them only one will be coming out. Hmmmmm.
O.K, now I am mentally going of in a *badger and fox in plate armour, riding cat drawn chariots, to battle their nemesis, the beagle*, tangent in my brain. I worry about myself sometimes, I really do.
In other news, all is quiet in the world of cats, which makes me suspicious that they are plotting something. Mystery is asleep next to me, snoring, and interspersing the snores with the gentle sound of him breaking wind, which is nice. Pie is the gods alone know where, but is probably thinking about food, and Mim is pretending to be asleep on my dining tables chair, waiting for something to go by, so she can kill it.

And slowly, she drew her plans against us.

Please bung a comment in the comment box, and the most mammalian votes, wins!

Sunshine, Shrews, and a radioactive cat.

The shrew is near as damn it done. Just some whiskers and little bits to finish up. Wonder what to do next? Maybe a badger. Yeah, a badger might be fun to paint.

Today has been sunny and warm for this time of year, so I turfed all the cats out, after Pie nearly killed me, and my beloved laptop as I was bringing it down from the spare room, by sitting on the stairs. My computer mouse and shoulder were the only things damaged. So, out they went, the dirty poop machines. They find creative ways to poop near there litter trays, but not actually in them. I can virtually see them sitting in a furry cluster, discussing the matter at hand.


Pie "tonight I think I shall create a long poop, maybe  behind the litter tray, where they will not see it for a day, or maybe on the radiator knob"
Mystery "I concur sir, I concur, this will surely both please and amuse them. Lady Mim, what is your opinion?"
Mim "I kill you" *hisses*
Pie " Mim your poops lack mass but are rich in fragrance, so you have to put in less effort in your presents"
Mystery "Agreed. So a long coiler behind the litter tray, and a radiator adornment it is. They will be so pleased"
Pie "I shall get to work, then go and sleep on fathers face. Stand back!"
Mim " I kill you" *hisses*

Then they all wander off and pretend to hate each other. Anyway, they went out, I got some painting done, and  *shock* some house work. I am now a domestic god. Sort of. Pie is sunning himself, Absorbing sunlight until he glows, mystery is back in and asleep on my laundry, and Mim is out....somewhere.... *looks nervously around* She is probably committing an atrocity in a neighbors garden, she's like that.

I sit here in the warm, plotting your demise.

Shrews must have tiny sinuses

Sinus pain receding, so I am back to painting today. The shrew has the main colours and blending put in, and the "oogra" that it is sitting in has been blocked out, now i go in with the pencils (to the painting, not up my nose)
Took a snap of  the work so far.

A shrew, being shrewinsh.

Sorry it's a bit blurry.

Also, dreamies cat treats.......they are like crack for cats, so I ate one to see what the fuss was about. The cats are fond of the cheese ones. I smelled it....not to unpleasant, sort of like a cheese biscuit. I ate it. Cats, you may keep these things which drive you wild. You may put them with your mice on strings, the whizzy lazer, and the well sucked catnip hearts your mother made. I will not eat another of your treats. To a human palate they are terrible, like eating a  greasy lepers toe nail.

Off of my nut on cat crack, and sitting in a too small box.

A world of pain and odd smells

OK painting on hold. I think its sinusitis, but it feels like someone is hammering icicles into my top teeth, whilst they put hot coals up my left nostril and into my ear. This displeases me somewhat, and means I didn't sleep last night, although i did get a couple of hours this morning, and saw Ruth off to work at half past six.. It seems to be easing up a bit today though, so fingers crossed. In other news. How does a cat as small as Mr Pie manage to make a smell that fills an entire house? Really.....I awoke to a pong like the gates of hell had been opened, and those gates were made of cat crap. Cue much running around swearing, with joss sticks, and a can of oust.

I am a feline WMD.

No bacon for you.

This bacon sandwich is mine. No Mr Pie, you cannot have it, no matter how much you give me the "poor paw" You have already eaten, you orange horror.

Your sammich, I want it.

Now, back to the shrew.

Rodent rage.

I'm currently painting a common shrew (latin.Sorex Araneus). Yes, I know the old joke of " how do you get it to sit still". They really are weird looking little things, and if you have ever encountered one, you will know how fierce they are......seriously.

Run for your lives, It's noticed you.

 I remember once, mystery cat (mighty hunter of the plains) bought home a live one, and dropped it in the living room. Cheers fuzz face. We chased the little bugger (the shrew, not the cat) around the living room with an empty clear popcorn bucket, and eventually incarcerated the mini monster. Now shrews are small, a bit longer than my thumb, but they seem to be in a permanent state of rage. If a shrew had a meme face it would be like this 

A shrew, in meme form.

Anyway, the rodent psychopath was trying to bite it's way through half a centimeter of rigid plastic, to sink it's fangs into my thumb. Bear in mind they normally eat worms and such.... this critter must have thought  "mmmm big worm....argh force field", as it bounced off the plastic. That or it just hated me. It scarred the plastic. I have never been so cautious turning a captive free as I was releasing the long nosed Chuck Norris wannabe.

Anyhow, I digress....back to the easel.

Let battle commence.

So.....
..........I am putting brush to paper, for the first time in what seems like forever. The idea was put to me that starting a blog about painting, paint related endeavours, cat antics, and the day to day brush suckings that I get up to might be of interest. Hopefully it will give me some impetus to get myself going. So, keep an eye open for updates. I promise I will make them.