Thursday, 22 March 2018

Metal, hearts, and freezing parts.

HI honey, I'm home!

Its been a busy couple of weeks! I've had to cover some shifts at work so time has been limited for posting, for that I apologise. Also my beloved laptop is finally dying, which complicates matters, because the blogger mobile interface is teeny tiny for someone with poor vision. A new laptop is winging its way to me, so all shall be well by next weekend.

As you may or may not know, I LARP (live role play). For those of you not in the know, imagine lord of the rings crossed with a sort of free form cross country pantomime, and minor alcoholism, and you have the right idea, sort of. Anyway, I also build props as well as wandering about with a rubber spear. cue one of my favourite builds thus far. A human heart!
kali maaaaaaa, KALI MAAAAAA
Amazing what you can do with some pictures from google, a car sponge, some latex, and a lot of swearing. Sometimes I think I should have gone for film FX as a career. I hope my friends were grossed out. It was squishy.

The other recent highlight was HAMMERFEST. Our very good friend Mel won a bunch of tickets, including accommodation, and invited us along. Aaaaaaaaw yeah! We got to Pwllheli friday evening to be met with a whole bunch of diverse and (to the outside world) scary looking people, whilst booze flowed and thumping roaring heavy metal filled the air. In a massive act of rebellion we went to our chalet for a nice cup of tea and a sit down. Rock and roooooolllll!
We then went for a brief tootle, and a cuppa, and girded ourselves for the evening ahead. We were seeing the mighty SEPULTURA. As we waited in the loud, booz, and occasionally farty smelling venue, we entertained ourselves by singing along to very rude songs about people being diddled with anchors, and some tenacious D. It was like being a teen again. minus the hormones.
They were brutally tight, hypnotic and relentless. Absolutely brilliant. We left the venue buzzing with adrenaline, and then retired to the tiny chalet for beer and pizza. Time well spent.

Rooooots bloody roooooots!
A slightly(very) groggy saturday dawned, and it was back from the venue to work for the day. Not rock and roooooooolll! Man I was tired. The car got a bit of damage leaving the venue too, as they have spikey barrier things, and Ruths little car is very low. That wasn't the sort of grinding metal we were hoping for.
Work day over, cats fed and people showered, we headed back for round two, travelling through snow showers, to the coziness of our home base, now with extra drinking, and delicious enchiladas. Shopping and more heavy metal ensued. I got an alestorm hoodie, some ultra super damned awesome red newrock boots, and a horn tankard to placate my inner viking. I also got mild tinnitus from being musically slapped around by some death metal music. All shopped and musiced out, it was back to base to top up on beer.
Booooots, bloody booooots!

Sunday dawned late, and we all slouched about whilst Ruth gallantly fed us all. Bacon roooooooooooll!
It had snowed a fair bit over night, and as the rest of the crew were heading up north, we parted ways at lunch time. It was honestly one of the best weekends I've had in years, and reminded me there is more to life than work and sleep. Thank you Ruth, Mel, Mike, Craig, and Kelvin the brew master.
We headed home, and decided to divert via the mountains.
It really blew the cobwebs away as we looked at frozen waterfalls, and drifting snow sweeping across the valleys below us, the sounds of the world muffled beneath a white blanket. A magical way to end a magical weekend.
snow snow quick quick snow

Thursday, 8 March 2018

Muscles, Minty, and marauding moggies.

 Hi all!
Its been busy busy, and thus this update has been a bit delayed.
Whats been going on? Well a lot of work, gigging with my friends James and Duncan (anarchic and weird folk/metal/ insanity mashup) and just general life really.
The cats have been up to their tricks, as they have received offerings of a light up zoomy ball track, and a cat fountain. The first thing shadow tried to do was pry the top off the fountain and go for a swim. She's crazy about water. She jumps in the sink when you are cleaning your teeth, jumps in the bath at any given opportunity, and just enjoys splashing about in general. I think she may actually be a skinny otter. The zoomy glowy ball track was her second victim. Within a day she'd figured out how to pry the cover off and steal the ball. She is also the only one with paws thi enough to play violently with it, smooshing the ball round the track. Winters mighty boy paws are to muscley, PC is to aloof for it, and prefers dashing madly about the house hunting the ghosts of mice, Minty is interested but her huge clown shoe sized feet won't fit inside the gaps, and Shoe would play with it, but keeps getting jumped by Winter (the douche).
this has been interspersed with fighting through the curtains, and running full tilt around the house. Minty has joined the other girls in their daily circuit training, but her mini legs mean she has to play catch up a lot.
Shoe prefers to sit on her slice of bread cushion, and observe. I think if she could, she would drink coffee and eat a bagel whilst observing.
Minty finds shadows shennanigans hilarious.

Speaking of exercise, My friend ben and I got gym memberships! Ben is a muscular man beast anyway, but he wanted a training partner, and as a human butter ball, I decided it was time to shift my fat a bit. I didn't realise how tubby I'd got until I looked at a video of myself on facebook.
The dreadful duo.
I must say I was somewhat apprehensive about the whole thing. The last time I set foot in a sports facility I was eighteen, so I was expecting to wake up in hospital after some light exercise, having been judged unworthy by huge muscled men.
What I was expecting
It wasn't like that! After relieving us of most of our money, for membership and swanky gym clothes, we got changed and did a wide array of exercises. I did feel kind of puny next to Ben, but I shall improve. My only cock up was slipping off of one machine, and causing the weights to crash down, getting annoyed looks from the scary muscled man nearby, and deafening myself and Ben. We retreated to the hot tub, which was great but could have been improved by a rum cocktail.
How it really was
I ache like a total sod today. Next time will be better!
Me this morning
In other news, It snowed like a bugger today, and last week I got annoyed with my beard and shaved it off. Now I look younger, sort of!

speak soooooooon! Simon. xx

Thursday, 15 February 2018

It's Minty, not bah humbug.

There's never enough cats, so we got another one. Ladies and Gentlemen (and all other genders obviously) meet MINTY!
I'm happy, honestly.
We travelled over to Rhyl to meet her, packing many cat treats for the many cats that we were to encounter, and a carry case, on the off chance that we would be coming home with her.
Cheryl and Jade are lovely people, and totally dote on their various cats and dogs, and Indy the man hating parrot, who started to shriek at me the second I said hello to him. Some parrots just want to watch the world burn. We were assailed by tiny grey kitten that demanded fuss, by their dear three legged cat, and then a little black and white ball of fuzz was bought over to meet us. The ball unfurled to reveal possibly one of the smallest, saddest looking adult cats I have ever seen. It made my heart cry a little bit to see how minute she was. She  is about the size of a nine month old kitten. She is three. She came over for some meaty treaties, and calmly and politely devoured them. She then scuttled away and hid under a table, watching warily with those achingly sad eyes. She was very very shy, and a bit jumpy, but clearly curious. Eventually she pottered over and had a fuss and climbed on us a bit. The humans sat around and chatted for a bit, watching various cats slink about, and admiring the new secured garden, upon opening the window to the garden a tsunami of cats flooded in. Big ones, small ones, ginger ones, calicos, black cats. Cats cats cats! Cat heaven! They mobbed the hell out of us for treats and fusses, and even put on a gladiatorial exhibition for us. A sea of twirling happy fur washed about our ankles, chirruping and meowing.
Eventually it came time to leave, and we decided that minty really needed to come home with us.
It was quite emotional for Cheryl and Jade, both of whom had something in their eyes. They've put a lot of love into this cat. There is something special about her.
I dribble.
She fell asleep with her head in my hand on the way home, and dribbled on it.

She is really really small, I shall measure her at some point. She weighs virtually nothing, and has extremely short legs and very big ears. She also has massive paws. Prevailing thought is that she has been seriously malnourished since an early age, and it has stunted her growth.
If you look at her from behind, the black markings on her legs form a little heart.
Her eyes look sad because she has had a prior infection that has left them droopy. She is also recovering from keratitis, but is mending well.
When she was spayed, the vet found her uterus was really big, indicating she had several litters of kittens, and when she was rescued she still had big nipples from feeding the little ones.
Someone out there has been a shit human to this cat. I'm glad I don't work for the RSPCA or cats protection, because arson and being all stabbity is frowned upon.
She's settling in well, and does love laps, which is awesome. The others have reacted with varying degrees of interest. 
Winter keeps trying to play with her, but for once is being good and backing off when she gets scared.
Shoe just hisses and growls. To be fair she does that to all the others anyway.
PC varies between staring like a fuzzy owl, and doing an impression of a theramin. She is a weirdo.
Splatto is just breezing about like a wafty tube cat, occasionally doing the parroty curious neck thing, but being pretty chill.

In other news, the broken boiler is fixed, so now our house won't smell like an oil refinery anymore. This pleases us. Winter had been checking to see if the radiators work. apparently they do, because he stayed close to one for so long that his bones melted, and he became cat rope.
Go on without me, I'll be fine!
If you want to follow Minty and her sad eyed musings (mewsings?) she has a facebook page. She insisted she needed one, I don't know why, as she can't read.

Friday, 9 February 2018

Food tester feline and television cat.

Life is back to its regular schedule now. Except we had snow! Great flakes blowing about, and clinging to everything, little birdies sitting in the trees looking very unimpressed and waiting for me to refill the feeders, schools closed, buses running slowly! Armageddon! Snowpocalypse!
Went to sleep in Wales, woke up in Skyrim.
I plowed through it on my way to work, striding against the wind as the mighty snow reached over the soles of my boots. Yup, you guessed it, Britain was bought to its knees by about an inch of the white menace. It wasn't even there by home time, having melted as people looked at it. Those of you who are reading this in the USA, and Russian Federation - or pretty much anywhere that has ever had snow - please feel free to mock us on the total panic that ensues every winter. Its bloody silly, so it is.

All this cold has meant that the cats have mostly been staying in. Cats all staying in one place leads to trouble. Winter is pretty good with his hoomins, but he is, to be blunt, an absolute douchebag to other cats, with the exception of splatto. It's not that he is nasty, he just wants to play. he does seem to forget that the others are delicate small girl cats, and don't want to have the cat equivalent of playing under 21's rugby with him. He's small, but very muscular. Dense you might say. So he's been hurtling about, in between melting into a semi solid on top of the radiator, impressing them with his acrobatics, and his ability to knock them over.
Winter "Playyyyyyyy with meeeeee!" (complete with doppler effect, as he is moving at nigh light speed)
Splatto " HAHA! OK! Wait......OOOOF!" (as The douche cannons into her sending them both flopping all over the place)
Shoe and PC wait on lofty perches, gently doing stretches and waiting to paff his lordship in the face if he tries anything.
Why they no play? Fine, I shall sit upon this bag of rubbish!
Meanwhile Shoe has been perfecting her thieving skills. She has a twirly villainous moustache, so it is fitting for her to be a master moocher. Now she needs a lacy eyemask like a lady highwaycat. Her main target is teabags. Yes. Teabags. Ruth reported this shennanigan a couple of weeks ago, and I thought it was a one off, a bit like when PC dragged half a loaf of bread into the living room to indicate she was hungry, but no! Shoe is a pathological thief of tea, (a proper tea leaf, as they would say in London). She is brazen, and doesn't even have the good grace to give us the thin eye, or look guilty. I have video evidence, captured at great peril.

The little sod has been trying it with other things too. She nabbed a slice of cheese (win), has attempted to steal some ginger bread (fail), baked beans (soggy footed fail), and stuck her paw in Ruth's ready brek porridge. That left her looking freaked out at why the hoomin was eating dust.

PC has decided she is a window, or something. She's taken to sitting on the sound bar, and leaning against the tv because it is warm. This has made subtitles difficult to read, and a lot of the orphan black and  vikings characters have been replaced with her fuzzy owly face.
I am a viking.
I am a viking

stay warm and safe folks!

Tuesday, 6 February 2018

The living and the dead, not the living dead.

We have been on a bit of a holiday/visit with my parents in that there London, city of a million smells. Mum and dad were most pleased to see us both, as due to crap mental health and poverty, we have not been down in many a long year.
Spent the evening chatting, and then went to bed early as the road trip had been tiring, for Ruth because she was driving, and for me because......actually I have no reason to be tired in cars as I just fall asleep like a toddler after about twenty minutes.
A pleasant yet wet day dawned on saturday, and we went shopping in Dartford. There were ducks to look at, and the place had a nice community feel to it. Been years since I went to a proper London market, all the smells, and stall holders yelling their wares "APPLES EIGHTY PEE A PAAAAAAAAAND" "GIT YER FISH! FRESH 'ADDOCK, LUVERLY".
The evening was spent showing how clever we all were by answering questions on various quiz shows. It was a day that took me back to my childhood.
Sunday was the day when the family descended. Both brother, both sisters in law, and five kids. I fell asleep in the conservatory, only to be woken by my brother Daniel, waving yellow fruit at me, and yelling "Banana penis!". He's forty two. He's also an idiot.
Like I said. He's an idiot.
He grabbed a guitar (despite being a total fool, he is an excellent guitarist) and we did some soft rock, and Seth Lakeman songs, which was lovely.
I got to meet my nephews. Joshua, who is as tall as me now, and like a typical teen, had his headphones on, and was watching videos of other people playing computer games, but he smiled and nodded in recognition, Michael, who is a small sandy haired power house, and Jake who is tiny, and hit me in the head with some lego as a greeting.
Bother two, Stewart, arrived with his family a bit later. His lovely wife Claire was all smiles as usual, and Lilly, their daughter was instantly a whirlwind with michael. She's a charming pixie child, and has the charming wiles of a Bene Gesserit matron mother.
The youngest, louie, sat and stared owlishly around, occasionally wiggling. He cried when I picked him up.
I ended up playing under the dining room table with the rest of the kids.
from left, Joshua, Louie, Michael, Lilly, Jake. They look calm now.
Lilly and Louie seemed to really like Ruth.
Much fun, and wiggling.
It was a very loud experience, but so good to catch up. Mum insisted on a photo of her three idiot offspring. the only problem was as soon as we sat next to each other, I pinched Daniels nipple, and Daniel punched Stewart in the nuts.
Brothers never change.
See how Stewart is protecting himself.
And yes, that is a stuffed toy dog on my shoulder. He's called mister woof.
We slept well.

Monday was adventure day. Highgate cemetery beckoned ( figuratively speaking, neither Ruth or myself are dead). We hopped aboard the train, and to our surprise, didn't need tickets! We could pay with contactless! Truly we are living in the future.
The journey was pretty easy, and with a small help from google we made it just in time for our tour.
Highgate west gatehouse.

Highgate west cemetery is gorgeous. Over the years self seeding trees have gradually reclaimed what was once a swathe of grass, transforming the area into a liminal place of dappled shade, with headstones and tombs rising from their midst like so many mayan ruins. The sounds of the city fade away, leaving bird song, rustling leaves, and the squeak and patter of squirrels.

Beautiful decay.
The group went around the cemetery, with a most informative and helpful guide, who told us stories and information about some of the people who now resided beneath us. The was the victorian soldier, whose tomb was shaped like the peninsula he fought upon. The resting place of dissident Alexander Litvinenko, poisoned by the kgb. The first plot to be filled, not by a rich noble, but by a common woman called Elisabeth, whose husband had her interred there so the grave wouldn't get robbed, like his daughters had. The famous british prize fighter who forever lays beneath the effigy of his favourite dog. The ruthless menagerist and self publicist whose last resting place is under a sleepy lion. The man who had the largest horse slaughter business of his day. So many lives past, so many fascinating insights into our history.
plot 1 Highgate west.

The catacombs, beautiful but sobering.

The circle of Lebanon, not actually in Lebanon.
There's a lebanon tree in the middle.

The Egyptian avenue. Flashy Victorians were flashy.
There are rare bats and spiders in the catacombs, and as we made our way around the bats flitted about us, clearly not pleased at strangers trudging through their house. We didn't see the spiders. So that's good.
There were an amazing array of people around us, all gently returning to the soil together, from father of electricity Michael Faraday, to the sad grave of some unnamed teenage prostitutes. 
He would be shocked at the size of his gravestone.

The empty patch is the last resting place of some victorian child prostitutes.

It was a long walk round, and my gammy knee was playing up, so we went for lunch. 
After a suitably delicious repast it was time to visit the east cemetery. But that is another post.

Tuesday, 23 January 2018

delayed cats, and buttery bitten fingers.


Subsequent to saturdays post, we didn't get to meet minty the sad eyed cat. Unfortunately, Cheryl was laid low by some inconsiderate virus, and we were advised that the visit was a no go for now. As we are off to that there London for a few days at the end of this week (I've not seen my parent's in about five years - I'm a terrible son), we all thought it would be unfair to bring home a new cat, only to leave her with a cat sitter for the best part of a week. So we will be doing the visitation and adoption when we get back. This also gives me a chance to clean under the bed, where she will no doubt hide.
I want to be sick under your bed.

Last night we wormed all the cats, apart from the fat floozy sparrow, who wasn't about. It went something like this:
We got the worming tablets, selected two cats each and commenced battle. Ruth chose winter and PC, I got splatto and shoe. Muttering "may the odds be ever in your favour" we got to work. Winter was instantly like " NOPE, I see what you are up to humans, and will have no part of it" and tried promptly to escape. Ruth with lightning reflexes, got hold of him, and after popping the pill in and closing his mouth, coaxed him into swallowing his medicine. He went a bit poofy and stalked away, slightly disgusted with our behaviour.
I tried the same with splatto, who is a wiggly cat at the best of time. She looked at me asif to say "HELL NO, I just saw what you did to the douche cat, jog on homie" . I got the pill in, she spat it out, I tried again, she spat it out. I tried a third time, she bit me hard on the hand, and then ran like the wind, and stood in the bath shouting "round one to me, shaved monkey butler!" I gave up until a new plan was formulated.
Meanwhile poor Ruth and PC (who is still a bit nervy - the gods alone know how she was mistreated) were involved in a gentle coaxing struggle to get her to eat her meds. oth were getting saddened by the other. Ruth figured that cats like butter, so the tablet was crushed, and mooshed in with some unsalted butter. The pill was eaten, under duress, but PC ended up with a greasy face, and butter all over her chops, like a three year old with an ice cream. She hid under the bed.
I'm ready for you now.

I tried the same tactic with splatto, who by now was wise to me. She ate the butter, but was not happy about it.
Shoe was easy. She was sitting atop my armour in a cupboard, and i merely gave her a slice of ham, with the tablet crushed into it. Job done. 
All four of them were most displeased with us, for getting rid of their potential "belly buddies", but if they will go out committing war crimes on mice, what do they expect?
We were both frazzled too. This was a bad experience for all, and we were both drenched in liquid butter, cat drool, and bits or worming pill. It's not a good look.
I think next time we will use the spot on drops.

Saturday, 20 January 2018

Impending kitty visit, and global interest.

Its K day! Not K day like in the film pacific rim, as we are not fighting alien monsters in a giant robot, but K as in kitty visit. We will be heading over to Rhyl after work, to visit Cheryl, Jade, their parrot, and a feline swarm, with an eye to taking a very sad eyed cat into our home. I really hope we get along with her (we have decided a name already, "Araminta", if she's in trouble, or just "Minty" if she's being good). Poor wee thing has had a very troubled life, but more on that this evening.
Not suitable for adoption, Try a cat instead
I enquired of the fuzzy overlords this morning as to their views on a possible new addition to the herd, they didn't seem too concerned. They were mostly more interested in tripping me up in an attempt to get fed. PC did show some signs of disapproval, by jumping in the litter tray, and hoofing litter all over the floor as I walked past, but that may have just been normal feline disdain for their shaved monkey butler. Comments from them included:

Winter: "I put my paw in your mouth this morning, that answer should be enough for you. Now feed me."
Shoe: " I'm Standing on the cooker hob, like I'm not meant to. What of it?"
Splatto: " Your ankles, I shall twirl around them. Feed me!"
PC: " This litter? Yeah it's on the floor now. That will teach you. I'm hungry."
Derp was unavailable for contact because he was at someone else's house, THE HUSSY.

Elsewhere on the interwebz:
Seems like the blog has gained some interest, which I wasn't expecting to be honest, as I ramble on about life as a sentient can opener.
It seems you good people like it. You are weird, but the good kind of weird. My last post racked up over 330 views in one evening! And the geographical distribution of people blew my mind a bit (not difficult, I get impressed when I eat my dinner without getting it on my top). But I thought that it might serve to illustrate what a fantastically small world we really live on. I have had views from: The USA, UK, Canada, Australia, Ireland, France, The Netherlands, Belgium, Germany, Peru, Russia, Kuwait, Hong Kong, Argentina, and Kenya.
My face, it was a bit like this when I read the stats.

This is very cool, and totally unexpected, and I thank you all.

Now, I have things to do, so enjoy your day people of the world, and I shall update you this evening.


Thursday, 18 January 2018

Well good gods above! It's me and I'm back!
Sooooooooo..... it is now 2018, and we are living in the future. The future is very much like the past, except some stuff has changed. America has a scary orange man in charge of it, Britain has shot itself in the foot and decided europe smells, the middle east is still burning, Russia has been very naughty in the Crimea, and North Korea has allegedly developed some very big fireworks. Tumultuous times.

It's also been about four years since I posted anything here.
"How are you Simon?" I bet few of you are asking. Well, the reply I will give you is "pretty ok actually, thanks".
Things have changed a fair bit in my life. My daughter (you remember her, the gothy girl, who I pretended was a vampire on account of her aversion to daylight) has moved off to university, and is doing well.
My wife and I are still together, and although times have been pretty rough on us both, we are working through stuff.
I have got a job too! My opening gambit to my now boss was " GIVE ME A JOB, FOR F**KS SAKES!" and it seemed to work. I like working, working gives me purpose, and purpose makes me a better person ( The new meds help too). Having money is nice too.
The only downside is I am still in a lot of pain with my back, and my eyesight makes things awkward quite often.
All has changed with the cats. Mystery succumbed to his car related injuries, The marmalade nightmare (Mr Pie) got old and creaky, and just stopped working one evening. He died with us all sitting around him, being fussed, and is buried next to Mystery.
Mim is sadly no longer with us either. She'd been looking a bit peaky, so we made an appointment to have her checked up on at the vets. We came down the next morning, and she couldn't walk. We rushed her in to the surgery, and were told the worst, she had a saddle thrombosis, and the only kind thing to do was have her put to sleep. We were shocked and heartbroken. We miss her very much, our sunburst kitten. I'm sure she's eating mouse faces, and raising heck in the kitty afterlife. We buried her next to the boys. The dream team reunited.
Sparrow (the stray who stayed) is still a fatty fat fat fat, and is mooching food from all the neighbours. He's sort of moved out, and comes to visit, smelling of mackerel and strangers perfume. He's incorrigible, lardy, and complainy, but ever so cuddly.

full of festive spirit

Winter the stripy douche cat happened along, we were terribly sad, and kitten broody, and wanted a new furry friend. W saw the picture of this tiny boss eyed kitten that a friends mum had, and before you know it, we were driving to Nottingham to get him. He is an inquisitive little fellow, and likes watching videos of birdies on you tube. He's still stripey, and into everything. He has recently taken to biting my nipples to wake me up in the morning. He's a funny little dude, and a ray of sunshine.
Winter, stuck in a tree

We have new cats! Three whole cats! (maybe a fourth very soon - watch this space)
First off, after mim died, we were bereft, and cat broody. Ruth spotted a rescue cat that we both liked the look of, and so we contacted the shelter. It is a small privately run place, operated by a lovely lady called Cheryl, and her daughter Jade, who take in the  waif and strays, and give them love, food and a chance at a new life. Does that sound like a witness protection scheme for moggies? I think it does, as we know they are all guilty of something. Anyway. They came to visit us, to check we were of sound mind and loving disposition. We passed at least 50% of that test, and so came into receipt of a timid little black and white, three year old girl, called twilight. We didn't like the name, and so renamed her twiglet. She's small and skinny, scared, with a baldy side from her neutering. I commented that she was about the size of my shoe. She is now called shoe. She will only answer to shoe. She lords it over all others by sitting atop the freezer and demanding fusses. her main hobbies include licking hands, headbutting things, playing whilst no one is looking, and punching winter in the face.
Ready for her job at the business factory.

We were happy with derp, winter, and shoe. However, there's always more cats who need a home. Enter shadow (also answers to splatto). She is a year old, and came to us from Cheryl and JAde, from a home where her and a fellow furry feline were being neglected and possibly abused. Initially we thought she was a he. She is a skinny wiry girl, as active as Winter, and more destructive. Water is her thing. She loves jumping in an empty used bath to warm her toes, and playing with dripping taps, running taps, flushing toilets (gross). I've nearly peed on her head more than once. All boxes are hers. ALL OF THEM!
something requires my attention
NO MORE CATS. WE HAVE REACHED CATPACITY (see what I did there? - clever, right?)
Cat number five. Meet Princess Caroline, named in honour of the pink media mogul from the "Bojack Horseman" cartoon. She was the other cat that was rescued alongside splatto. Timid to the point of being a recluse, all I saw of her for the first week was a pair of owly yellow eyes from under a bed. She was so stressed she over groomed her whole back end, rendering herself bald, apart from charming little puffs of fluff on her shins, like leg warmers, and her huge bushy tail.
She's settled a lot now, and is getting furry again, gentle and friendly, and loves playing zoomies about the house with shadow. Tolerates shoe, hates winter, is terrified of the furry dump truck that is derp. She loves sitting on the to of the banisters, staring and staring at us with those lampy eyes. Also known as PC, and soot sprite. may be in love with Ruth, as she follows her everywhere, including the toilet, bath and bed.
I iz a catserole.

So there we have it. a new brood of misfit loners, with a background.
Watch this space, we are going to meet another waif on saturday.

It's good to be back.


Thursday, 11 September 2014

It has been too long

I'm going to keep this blog open, but, I probalbly won't be posting on it very often. Well for a while anyway.
I lost my painting mojo. The stress and anxiety of dealing with the DWP have affected me very deeply, and I just can't get into the headspace to enable me to paint. This has been going on since, well, since I last posted.
In addition, mystery the cat recently died, and the place doesn't seem the same without him.

Don't write me off though, Im sure I'll bounce back eventually.

Thank you to all the people who have read, and hopefully enjoyed my posts. The short time that the blog was running full pelt, it racked up close to 7000 views, and lots of lovely comments.

Here is hoping I find my feet again.


Sunday, 14 April 2013

Angry chair is also grouchy turtle

Its been a while. Winter is over and spring is now sort of doing spring related stuff, with flowers, rain, and the occasional bee.
This means winter no longer has me hibernating quite so much. That's the awful thing with depression, when you're down it makes you down-er, and when you're up it makes you, well, sort of flat. No amount of daylight box and pills have been able to drag me out of myself enough to really do much for the past few months. Hence my lack of posting here.
"So Simon, whats being going on other than you being a basket case?" I hear you ask. Well, when the weather allowed, when my poor old mangled back allowed, and when my own brain allowed, I have mostly been taking pictures. I wanted to paint a lot, but didn't have the energy, or spirit. I have two paintings half finished, and sitting looking accusingly at me. I shall tackle them soon, then get on with some spring stuff. I might paint some flowers.
New year came and went, largely un noticed. Snow came and stayed, and then went, and then came back again, and the roof got blown off of the work shed.
Gee, thanks nature, you dick.
 One excellent piece of news was that I was declared all free of brain tumour. Apparently "junior" has all been reabsorbed into my body. This is  a weight off of my mind. Literally. It seems i do have sinus disease though, which will probably need operating on, and I am  going t the opthalmologists in may, to asses if im partially sighted enough to be counted as partially sighted.
Ruth and I celebrated at OK diner, ate like gods, and drank million dollar peanut milkshakes, peanut flavour. I think the shakes are made by Tolkein elves. They are that tasty.

Ruth rescued a slow worm that strayed out thinking that it was spring <slow worms don't have calenders, and they would be useless to them, as 1. they can't read, and 2. they have no fingers to turn the pages.> It got put in a box over night, and was released into our neighbours garden the next day, into some very slow worm friendly straw with a big warm slate on top.
March you say? whoops I look stupid.

We celebrated Ruth's birthday yesterday, with a trip to Bodnant gardens in the conwy valley. Beautiful rambling gardens, great for a relaxing walk, even in the rain. Yes it rained, and we all got soggy, but it was wonderful, and Ruth and I loved it. Not sure about Meleri, but she came along too.
Birthday Girl!

Damp daughter

some of Bodnants excellent water features

Lovely Ruth, looking quissically at her soaked husband.

Meleri. Not smiling.

Macro of a wet flower.

We seem to also have inherited a stray cat.
He has been dubbed "Sparrow" or "pirate cat" on account of the awful injuries to his face that have left his left eye all squinty and "Arrrr" looking.
He showed up one afternoon, limping and oozing grossness from various infections, so we treated him with hot salt water < brave> and fed him. This carried on for a few days until he upped and left. I ended up putting flyers through all the doors in our village looking for him. He, of course, sauntered back in totally unconcerned a few days later.
He is very sweet, not desperately clever, and unneutered < which we are going to fix for him> He gets on well with mystery, but fights with mim, and is HATED By Mr Pie. This is due to his scroungy nature. The Apricot horror has been out scrounged!
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh! Food! arrrrrr!
Its ON! I have my war hat.
This has lead to a new phenomenon. The angry chair. Pie sits beneath one of the chairs in the living room, one that has a throw over it, making a cave, and growls like a rusty door every time sparrow goes near.

Sparrow " Herp a durp fuss! food! arrrr!"
Pie <from hiding> "sodoffsodoffsodoff - I will cut you! so help me I will shank you in your face!"
Sparrow "huuuuur, indoors, warm lap! fuss! sleep! arrrrr!"
Pie "all the food is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine! go ! go now! and take your splendid testicles with you! I shall sit under this chair til you do"

Only when He is sure that the interloper is out of sight does he poke his scowling face from its hiding place. His head emerges from beneath the throw, and he pokes his baldy old neck out as long as it will go, to have a good look about. This is the grouchy turtle.

A.K.A Pirate cat, plums
Appearance: Dopey lopsided face, yellow eyes medium sized, soft black fur, with a white bowtie, and a squinty look.
Demeanour:Very talkative, prone to heebing, mimping and mooching. Very friendly, unless you are mim or Pie, when he will try to ignore you. Likes laps.
Territory: Has a small colony on the bed. Likes to sleep under the oak tree, own the back wall.

Thats it for now, will post again soon! promise.