Ringing in a new year. Wringing the neck of the old one.

Hello everyone.

Well, 2012 has been a topsy turvy year. Some good, some not so good, and some, quite frankly , bloody crappy bits. My plans for world domination have been temporarily put on hold, partly due to my own brain subverting my efforts. I'm still hanging in there, but the rise to  a painting super power  has been delayed, but not stopped.
Recharging my batteries over christmas, in the wilds of North Yorkshire, has been wonderful, as I have been able to explore new places, camera in hand, and shoot a load of interesting things. I quite like non fatally shooting wildlife.

BLAM! errrr..I mean....CLICK!

Our menagerie of cats has probably not even noticed our absence, as the veteran cat slave, and all round excellent friend James Phillips was looking after them. So I have little to report of  their activities, other than a text confirming that they poo like champions. They make me proud, even if Mim has developed a nip habit..

Out of her tiny tiny mind.

We have been unfaithful with other cats though! We met our friends Marc and Rebecca's cats, Professor tinycat, and Peaches. Both of whom are adorable. The prof likes sleeping on people, and clawing nostrils, whereas Peaches is a tiny mimlish trifle hunter.

MY human NOW! Ahhh hahahahahaha.

MINE!

All your cream based foods NOW, or people will get hurt.

I should add them to the role call of our overlords.

Greyling:
A.KA: professor tinycat, ohmygodheissocute.
Appearance: Small golden eyed, black kitten with white chest, soft white paws with delicate pinky pads, and professorial white whiskers.

Demeanor: Cute and playful, prone to random sleeping, and launching himself unexpectedly at someones chin/beard nostril lining, without any apparent provocation.

Territory: Mostly laps and shoulders.



Peaches: 
A.K.A She looks like she will be trouble when she's older. The explorer.
Appearance: A minute dark queen of pain in waiting. Peachy pink nose and a stripe of orange down her face, like she is breathing fire out of her nose. Dainty paws hide razor like weapons.
Demeanour: Layed back, licky, and adventurous. She seems to enjoy torturing humans with her needle claws and razor teeth. Will attempt to procure any cream based desserts in a several meter radius. Given to deep rumbling noises, that may be pleasure or brewing danger.
Territory: Peoples laps, any surface she can reach, trifle bowls.


Our time in  the north  included several trips to the wonderful whitby, including my birthday, where we went to MISTER CHIPS, possibly the best chippy ever, and ate until we were well and truly overhaddocked. Whitby abbey was, as always, magnificent, if a bit wet.

One abbey, saturated.

Ruth and Meleri seemed to have a great time too, everywhere we went, and it was lovely spending christmas with my daughter, the first in sixteen years. Even her sprouty emissions were bearable.

Two girls, one bridge.

This is actually the bridge that Ruth and I had our wedding pictures taken on, all those moons ago.

Anyway, back to bangor and angry/indifferent/smelly cats, and normaility tomorrow, then world domination shall swing into full flow again.

Wishing you you all the best for the new year. May 2013 bring all your wishes but one.


Simon.

six weeks - no post - RECTIFIED.

Massively remiss of me I know." What has happened in the past six weeks" I hear you cry, dear reader. Well. On the human front, I have been falling to pieces. Lack of money, cold weather, dark days, and household stresses have been taking their toll,and I have been kind of mentally off line. Things are a bit brighter the past few days, but I'm still under the cosh of winter, ATOS, and general worry about things.
On the upside, I do have some bits to keep me busy, and some prospective comissions, so thats a plus.
I have also been toying with comic art. It is something I have always loved, from the time I used to get imported marvel and dc comics, all lurid colours and fuzzy print, with ads for xray specs, and hostess twinkies in the middle. Just thinking about them evokes the smell of cheaply printed paper.
I have a couple of friends in "the trade" Tony Lee , and  Anthony Jones, and  threy have inspired me to have a bash in this field.

Me, as a comic character.

 I know its far from perfect, but, its a start.
The workshop now has a heater, so I can stay out there into the evening, to the pleasure of Mim, and possibly the rest of the household. <Mim likes it out there>
Meleri has turned eighteen. I know this was inevitable, unless I had her frozen in carbonite, but it still made me feel old. As part of the birthdayness, we took her to see nightwish, which also made me feel old, with all the pretty young people next to my begoggled beardyness, but it was a great gig, and even though i was hopped up on big painkillers for it <as usual> we had a fine old time.

Its nightwish!

beauty and the duck faced beast.

Kids are never impressed by ANYTHING.

Halloween was also a great time down at the Tap and Spile, for our yearly shindig. Ruth went as sally, Meleri as a broken doll, and me as a were badger. I won the best cozzy <yay>, although i thought Ruth should have.

Totally cool.

Broken dolls are never impressed by ANYTHING.

badgers badgers badgers badgers.

We also have a new car. Ruths VW was crashed into and written off. She was ok though, which is the important bit, but did sustain whiplash injuries, and has to have physio. The new car is shiny black, a peugeot, and looks like it wants to head butt someone. It has been named.....The catmobile.

Speaking of cats....
WE noticed the queen of pain was off her food, but thought it was her just being a mardy arse, as she now has claimed Meleri's bedroom, and lurks there like a fuzzy dragon, gaurding her horde of dirty laundry. After a day or so I was fussing her <Mim, not Meleri> when i noticed a swelling on her neck. She had a HUGE abscess, hidden by her face fluff. To the vets we went, he was impressed by the size of the lump and was going to excise it the next day. Mim thought differently. she went upstairs, lay on our bed, and clawed it open. All over our bed. It was probable revenge for making her go to the vet. It was also disgusting..like..... some deleted scene from alien. Ruth cleaned it up, in her nursing manner, and the next day it was treated. The main downside was trying to give Mim her antibiotics. Ruth manages it ok, but Mim turns into a growling bag of needle sharp rage if I try. My wounds are now healing well.

My new bio weapon! pew pew! squirt!

Mr Pie is still sleeping on my chest at every opportunity, and has resumed hostilities with Lord Heebus, who paffs him into his rightful place every time he gets uppity.

Pie "Check my skills out! Ninja! PCHOW! HI_YAAAAA!"
Mystery "paff"
Pie "Well played, well played"
*Mystery looks smug*
*Pie sneezes*
Mim "I Kiiiiillll you"

Gah! Pie attack!

In my head, I am a fierce warrior.

I kill you all.

Finally. My little resident, the comma butterfly, decided to go outside and fend for itsself over winter. Fare the well and see you in the spring. I will miss it sitting on the wall by my paper storage.

More updates soon. Honest.

Royal dignity fail. It's curtains for the workshop.

Autumn! That season of mellow fruitfulness, and bloody cold workshops, is nigh, if not upon us already. So it is time to put soft furnishy bits in the workshop, to keep out the chill winds that blow. So my project for next week will be getting some form of curtains fitted. I'm thinking maybe the enormous Celtic patterned hanging I am in possession of, might be a winning plan. If It is so, I shall post pics here. Everything is almost in place, just need deskage, storage, and I'm good to go.
Also, some form of butterfly has decided to make its home on the front of the workshop, so when it emerges, I shall have a little butler. I will get it to make me cups of tea, and stuff.

Milk, no sugar? Very good sir. Also I am disguised as a leaf.

To get Meleri out of the house and into some fresh air <cos she's a teenager, and they appear to prefer watching tv to being in the scary outside>, I dragged her out to the nature reserve down by white bridge. She dressed like a goth, <a good look for wandering through muddy woods>, I dressed like an explorer/wildlife type/trampy dad. Camera, and camera phone <mock ye not, modern camera phones can actually get some really good shots that take much longer with a traditional camera> in hand, we crept stealthily round the woods. My thought was to get some shots of mushrooms/berries/autumnyness. Its a bit early for 'shrooms to be in full bloom, which is probably why none were seen, proving I'm not a fungi to be with <fungi..fun guy...geddit?...> But I did get some nice  fruit pics, and even did some "arty" shots. I will be painting the various berries, for seasonal cards mainly.

Pretty, but not advisable to eat.

 

 

 

 

 

Tree stump, or mystic fortress? Yeah....tree stump.

I like the contrast.

 Meleri seemed to like the walk, even though she hissed like a cat and hid her face whenever the sun came out.

Children of the night, how they love to....slouch.....watching...... repeats of  the big bang theory.

Talking of hissing cats...........
Mim, queen of pain, mistress of all roofs, destroyer of mouse faces, paffer supreme, and terroriser of other cats has claimed a newly discovered piece of territory! The ream of basketonia-under-table. A fluffy sheepskinny land, where wicker and purring abounds. She has been setting up court there for a couple of days now, and neither of the other two seem to be interested in staking a claim. Although Mr Pie does lurk on the edge sometimes, as it affords him a good view of Mims feeding place in the bathroom.

Any closer, peasant, and you shall regret not wearing eye protection.

Pie now appears to be sole custodian of the sofa, only having to fight Meleri for sitting rights. He usually wins by emitting gross smells, and shedding on her.

Mine! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha. *parp*

Lord Mystery has claimed bedonia for himself and is now official inwpector of duvets, to add to his already impressive resume. He seems happy in his work.



Mim had a massive dignity fail earlier in the week. She came dashing in from the garden and started scooching her bum on the carpet, like a dog does. This caused much mirth, but i thought I had better investigate, as she was now gnawing at her imperial nether regions. I bravely cornered her, and turned her upside down, to be confronted with a pooey  human hair dangling forth. I got some tissue and removed said offending hair, and was hissed at and bitten for my efforts. She the retreated to her new realm, and paffed my foot and growled at me, every time that I walked past, for about an hour, to restore her damaged pride.
I should have taken pictures and sold them to a French magazine.

Architect cats architects! Pie infests new realms.

So.... a month has gone by. A busy busy month, some good, some bad. The girls had a great holiday, and My daughter has decided to come back and study in the UK, so is now ensconced in the spare room, like a sort of gothy/emo hermit. We are trying to get her into college, but it is a slow slow process, and as you may or may not know, I am SUPER impatient. This is making for some frowny faces. In other news, I also had my "medical assesment" from ATOS<sers>, the people sent by the government to round up the mentally ill, disabled, and handicapped, and make them all be not mentally ill, handicapped, or disabled, by taking their benefits away. Guess what? Yup. they stopped mine. Being mentally ill <depression that would make a Morrisey fan look happy>, having a ruined back <seriously, I make  a sound like a transformer when I sit/stand>, ruined eye sight < to the point where I walked into my own kitchen wall three times today, I only have one eye. The other one isn't happy either>, is apparently not enough. A big fat 0 points. So I, and my component parts, are appealing the descision.
This did lead to a massive mental wobble, and me posting something on facebook, and not even remembering I did it. I'm sorry to anyone who got upset, but I love you all. I am just a bit messed up in the neurochemistry department at the moment. More pills, more blood tests.

In happy news, the workshop has been completed, supervised by Mystery who sat around watching various labours, and offering useful tips. Mim is in charge of interior decor.

Highly shedlike 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It looked like this... pre mimming.

Wood, giant tapeworm, and discarded instructions.

 After a little tutting, wandering about, sniffing, and telling mystery how to paint, mim came up with this colour scheme.

Mim surveys her jaunty work, Mystery wonders why he is nailed to the top.

bright jaunty interior, just right for leaving mouse faces in

She did a damned fine job, and I'm sure that The boys jaws will stop aching from all the paintbrush holding, soon.
Pie has been working so hard, all he has been able to do is flop into bed at night. He has, on account of his skinny nature, been sat on a few times by humans. This bothers him not.
He just lays there, hogging the bed, farting, snoring , and dribbling. Its like having an extra me sleeping there.

NO NOOOOOO! Just five more minutes!

Mim has, when not decorating, been chasing about waving her tail madly, and hissing at stuff, mainly Pie, and me. I'm not sure what she is up to, but I bet it is evil. It probably involves dead things.

If I glue this to a mouse, It will be good, oh yes, oh yes.

Mystery has become an almost permanent fixture on the roof of the shed. I'm not sure if he is on guard, waiting to hit me on the head as I enter, or if the pesky sun has squashed him again.

None shall pass. Unless they have ham, of course.

More updateyness soon, and I'm again sorry its been so long.

Olympic cat goes for gold. Mim goes for throat.

My daughter Meleri is also over visiting with her best friend, So Ruth and I have been totally teenagered. This appears to include a lot of shrugging in response to questions, odd girly perfumey smells, loud internet usage, and singing.
Thurday saw Ruth and I celebrate our wedding anniversay <our 4th, and as its flowers and fruit, we went for a picnic with the girls, atop Bangor mountain, which was sunny, still, and lovely. There were lots of flowers about, and we had some delicious fruit, as well as other tasty victuals. Good times , good times. My wife is excellent, and makes me very proud and happy.

Keri, Meleri, and Ruth.

The card design I made for Ruth.

In a tribute to the worlds olympians, Mr Pie has taken to wearing a laurel crown on his rounds in the garden, and loudly proclaiming his might, just before the sun squashes him. He has so far won gold in the "dirtiest belly" and "most irritating meow" events, and earned a silver in the "eating another animals vomit" category.

The Bradley Wiggins of cats. Cos he's ginger.

Dirty belly, enhanced by sticky buds and  hair clumps. 10 10 10 9.5.

Mystery has a gold in "lounging" and "hunting rug mice", a silver in "mooching cheese from humans", and a bronze in "sitting by the food bowl silently making you feel guilty, even though you have just fed him" We are expecting great things from him in "longest cat", "scariest fang action", "power pooping" and "doubles tennis".

Training for "longest cat"

Power pooping qualifying round.

Mim won the "wrestling a human  finger" contest on a technicality, as one of the Korean cats didn't put in enough effort. She got gold in the "extreme licking" and "making a sound like a drill going through steel, when you are turned upside down, but secretly enjoying it" event. Tomorrow sees " shouting through a closed window to be let in, when you really don't want to be let in", and the eagerly anticipated defence of her "mouse gouging" title. She is also hoping for a place in the finals of "pretending to play, then goring your human"

About to deploy the "extended painful claw"  defense.

Athletic concentration

stretching is important.

More soon! Workshop arrives monday, so that will be interesting :D

Gathering source material. Stackable closeup cats abound!

The camera has been acquired! Now I roam around the countryside shooting things. It's a bit like being the king of Spain, without all the hassle of going and troubling the elephants of Botswana. No no fair reader, I shoot them using only the power of light. Yeah, that's right, I have a telephoto lens. I need my own pics for painting source material, and the camera < A canon dslr EOS 1100D> is the ideal way to do it. Thank you government. The rest of the business start up gubbinz is being ordered tomorrow.
Ruth and I went out for a meander today, and with her spotting butterflies for me <She is MUCH better at it than me>,  I got some nice shots.

A meadow brown.

A red admiral

 I also trod in some cow poop, cut my elbow, got stung by nettles, cut my shin on some brambles, and nearly threw up at the smell of the place a sheep had recently met its end. I'm a low budget Ray Mears!  Ruth carried on, serene as a cloud, spotting butterflies and looking lovely with her new scarf that she knitted, and  I took photos of, for her "Ravelry". Something to do with knitting and its arcane arts.

It's called "cats paw" pattern. *nods knowledgeably*

 We were also watched by some small cows, who were clearly waiting for our backs to turn, so they could eat us.

cow monster watches you fall into nettles.

 Of course, the best way to get to know a new camera, as we all know, is to take a LOT of pictures of cats. We have a lot of cats, so this is a happy coincidence.  Mystery is normally hard to take pics of, as he is black, and all you see is black cat shape, and yellow menacing eyes, but i have persevered, and with the aid of Ruth waving a stick in the air, managed to get some good ones of him. He is not camera shy in the slightest, in fact we had to stop him from going and getting a feather boa to pose with, the shameless thing. He showed his displeasure, by shouting loudly for his agent. He was there for some time.

Paint me like one of your french girls.

The ennui of modern youth.

The Nosferatu remake was going well

I want to renegotiate my contract. Or kill you in the face!

Mim has taken to loudly peeping, and running off whirling her tail insanely, if she thinks I'm about to take a picture, So I have become cunning and sneaky. She caught a mouse the other night, and was feigning disinterest in it until Pie showed up. Then there was a sort of stand off, as Pie slunk about being fat, orange, and moochy, whilst Mim behaved like a minute air raid siren, and growled, whilst shouting "YUM YUM YUM" to indicate that the mouse was firmly hers.
Pie "You have a mouse my queen! A most handsome catch"
Mim "Miiiiine all miiiine" * cackles insanely*
Pie  " you do realise that I shall try and steal it, as soon as you blink, right?"
Mim "I will punch you so hard your whiskers will go into orbit" * picks up mouse*
Mouse "Hey! I'm still alive"
Mim "That's why I'm going to start with your feet"

*screams and crunching*

"Pie looks away, appalled*

Oh crap, oh crap oh crap.

Curses, foiled again.

Cat photography is fun.