Friday, 25 May 2012

The sun squashes all cats!

This news, I know, is shocking, but I can think of no other explanation for the odd behaviour that the cats have been exhibiting the past few days. I first noticed this strange gravitic anomaly at the beginning of the week, when I noticed  Princess Trousers laying very still on a window sill.

She showed no signs of being able to move, even when I poked her in the ribs with my nose. all she could manage was to open one baleful eye, full of the promise of death.
Curious, but not unheard of behaviour from her.
Later that same day, I found Mystery, crammed into a discarded BBQ tray. Some unspeakable act of war, perpetrated by one of the others, or was he walking over it when struck with something heavy.....LIKE THE SUN!
Pie was nowhere to be seen, until it got dark. He then proceeded to try and get as far away from the ground as he could, with a misguided idea that the further away from the ground he was, the longer the squashing sun would take to smoosh him flat. This seemed to involve climbing up me and going to sleep on my shoulder.
Fuzz parrot.
Later he practiced his "I am  squished flatter than a surrendering bug" pose.
Superman! I am it!
The sun has sent them a bit odd, and also rather floppy. Top cat scientists have worked out that when the sun comes out, it forces extra gravity out with the heat, and cats are susceptible to the changes in gravity < as anyone who has seen a cat jump, only to pause, matrix style, and wiffle through the air will know> Its the reason lions lay down a lot. What makes this even more amazing is that cats cannot use calculators, so they must have done it all with slide rules.
Mim tried to avoid the weight of the sun by making a nest in a bush, which seems to have partly worked, as she had enough freedom of movement to sniff at some branches, which were relevant to her interests.
Queen of pain one, sun nil.
Twig inhalation. A rarely seen cat hobby.
Sadly the boy was caught out, and received the full weight of the solar orb. Struggle as he may, he was unable to break free of its terrible bonds, apart from the brief moment when the sun wasn't loking, and he made it to the shade of the shed.
Sun one, Mystery nil.
Today was much the same all round. except the cats found new places to get subjugated by our stellar neighbor.
The sun, it's just a big glowing bully.
They seem disinclined to do much to each other at the moment.
Other cat observers around the UK have apparently seen the same behaviour, with their furry  friends being found upside  down on kitchen floors, or slumped sideways on carpets. The sun must be stopped!


  1. This proper made me poor Flumpy has also been rather squashed by the sun today. Just awful ;)

    1. SEe! It is a terrible plan for supremacy over cats, by our solar overlord

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